That Ugly Red Line

I am impatient, I admit it..but when I had my surgery three weeks ago, I assumed the angry red scar would turn into a delicate pink color. Well, after weeks of  rubbing multiple creams and oils on this scar, it is still red. I know some of you are saying, " Stacey, you are alive, you are cancer free!" I am very thankful to our almighty God for healing me, but the Lupus took so much away from me. My beautiful skin  now is red and dry from the Lupus.I admit it, I am somewhat vain... it takes so much to cover the redness and dry skin. It seems like the days of competing in the Large Lovely Lady Beauty Pageant was so long ago. I am proud to be a BBW ( big beautiful woman) but I must admit that this  mass and now the scar shattered the self esteem some. Now, before you think I am having a pity party, know that this is how I deal with things. I have a wonderful man who loves me and tells me I am beautiful,the love in his eyes makes me cry. Stacey will be back.. stronger than ever..it will take time.. I have made one step, I wear shirts that show my scar , both for comfort and  because I am proud to say that i survived that surgery and beat cancer.Now going to Schiltterbahn this summer.. hmmm with the way I am gaining weight from the meds.. I will not be on the master blaster..lol I think I need to stand up for reform for the bigger people, if Disney can have rides that fit for people up  to  400lbs, then why can't Schlitterbahn ( the fatter you are, the faster you go!). See the humour is there, and the happy Stacey will be back :) But for now, I will be impatient ,angry, but very thankful to be alive!